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Accepting Uncertainty and Groundlessness in an Apocalyptic 2020

Accepting Uncertainty and Groundlessness in an Apocalyptic 2020

Cross Country Drive, Day 7

Cross Country Drive, Day 7

Cross Country Drive, Day 6

Cross Country Drive, Day 6

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// Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving, from my he

// Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving, from my heart & home to yours!
🦃🍁
While the holidays in 2020 haven’t followed their usual pattern, I am finding sincere gratitude in the slow down and change. I haven’t been with family on Thanksgiving in more years than I can remember, so I’ve always simplified my day—doing what brings me joy. I’ve hiked, done Christmas crafts, went on long bike rides, journaled, created art, and simply expressed my gratitude by praying and counting my blessings. This year, I am blessed to live close to my sister/cousin who is going to be preparing a meal we can share. I will then connect with my mother whose 60th birthday is today! While a large Italian meal of loud laughter and conversation feels like home & the holidays, I’m okay with how the holidays in 2020 are shaping up for now. Plus, I haven’t felt guilty for listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving or peeping corny Christmas movies on Netflix (💁🏻‍♀️accepting recommendations!).
🍁🙏🏻
This year, I’m holding my loved ones close and reflecting on the love and gratitude that lives deep in my heart. Now, let’s eat & drink & be merry!

// Just dropping a quick reminder that you are won

// Just dropping a quick reminder that you are wonderful, you deserve to feel love, and you matter. The world is a big place and you may sometimes feel lost, but know you never are. Happy almost Friday 🥰

// Mmmm, I just love where I am. I could live eter

// Mmmm, I just love where I am. I could live eternally in a New England autumn, yet am anticipating a beautiful winter as well. It’s been a while, east coast... but you’re even better that I remembered and could have imagined. I’m so grateful for the sarcastic humor, direct communication, Italian food, cute architecture, and family & friends that make this my HOME.

// Grateful for new adventures, always. The blendi

// Grateful for new adventures, always. The blending of comfort and uncertainty, security and adventure, is so beautiful. Being present with all life is offering to me has cracked me open in profound, organic ways. I’m so deeply grateful for the beauty and love surrounding me and within me.
🍁
This weekend was absolutely gorgeous. Soaking in this hike and moving slowly, freely, through the rocks, trees, and forest allowed for a deeper sense of gratitude to surface. Being back on the east coast has been comforting and secure, yet holds a lot of adventure and unknowns. I’ve been mindfully exploring while also connecting to my sense of self & others. There has been a lot that’s stirring up for me & it is inspiring further growth in my heart and mind. While some of this growth is difficult and painful, I truly feel surrounded by people who are watering me and feeding me sunshine as I expand my roots deeper, reaching towards the vast horizon—touching the sun, the moon, the earth, the galaxy, as they surround me, support me, transform me. I will forever grow in this way, welcoming new ways to see my internal and external world. No matter the difficulty in exploring these truths, it is elemental to my being and something I am willing to explore—guided only by love, and never by fear. I’m so grateful to have people around me to inspire this growth and support me.
🍁
Through my reflections, I’ve recalled memories back to age 4 or 5. I’ve spoken to my younger self, reminding her she was always doing the best she could. She deserves to know that. We ALL deserve to know that. Through the pain, hurt, and expansion... we are all doing the best we can with what we have. Giving ourselves this gift of self-compassion and loving-kindness is the ultimate expression of inner peace and love.
🍁
You’re doing the best you can. As hard as it has been, I honor and appreciate your journey to where you are now. The rest will continue unfolding. Trust and let Go(d). 🙏🏻

// This is not meant to spread hope, belittle your

// This is not meant to spread hope, belittle your anxieties, or dim the building of your fighting spirit. This is not a message of “we will make it out of this no matter the end result.” Truly, I’m scared. No matter what happens, I don’t know how this can be a win. I don’t know how we are going to face all the brokenness that’s been revealed in 2020. Yet... I know we HAVE to. I know I’m tired. I think I have dark circles under my eyes? Ugh, this isn’t just what being over 30 does to me... it can’t be. It’s just... exhausting. To feel the back and forth. To feel helpless at times. Yet, I know I have to fight on. I know I have to keep learning. Educating myself. Being on the side of history that’s going to make a change.
📬🗳📊
I want to be honest. I did NOT vote in 2016. I wasn’t “thrilled” with either candidate (as if life is a rollercoaster? I mean cmon, Kristen!), I “wasn’t into politics,” and there was “too much information to absorb.” I didn’t take the time to educate myself, then think deeply about what was important to me, then DO something about it. I was living in Washington during a travel PT assignment && still a resident of NY state. I could’ve requested an absentee ballot. I could’ve registered to vote in WA. Yet, I let my impermanence of residence be a piece of my apathy towards exercising my right to vote. No bueno. I knew I had to do better in 2020.
👩🏻‍💻💁🏻‍♀️📬
While I still am working to understand the electoral college, swing states, and how a president is actually elected in our country, I realize how important politics is this year and EVERY year. I realize I am “into politics” because I’m “into” freedom, equality, human rights, healthcare, education, jobs. I’m into it because I know my voice matters in some way. So... this year. I voted. I voted EARLY. I called my county 3 times to make sure I was registered. Got a mail in ballot. And I’m not sure where this is gonna lead... but I’ll be damned if I quit educating myself now. Who’s with me???
#vote2020 #election2020

// Life is so curious. It has a way of rushing tow

// Life is so curious. It has a way of rushing towards us and carrying us on a journey we didn’t expect. I love letting life surprise me. It feels wholesome and freeing to be in synchronicity with my world and the people around me. I am allowing myself to be honest with myself – to express myself wholly, truly, and freely. I am allowing myself to set limits to my energy – to decide how I spend my time and with whom.
🍂🍁
My heart is opening in beautiful ways – to opportunity, growth, healing, connection. I feel myself cracking open more and more each day. As my awareness of the world within me and around me grows, I experience painful, yet clarifying realizations. Through this discovery, I find my curiosity and compassion intertwining to release limiting belief systems, negative thoughts, and blockages in my heart. I feel my heart bursting with love and gratitude as I explore the depths of life. There is truly so much to see and feel.
🍁🍂
Why limit our capacity to love? Why limit our capacity to adapt, grow, change, and evolve? All of this requires us to be true to ourselves, accept ALL of ourselves, and move forward like a river does through the mountainside – with passion and persistence through our obstacles, and with gentleness and peace in the river bed. Gentle, yet fierce. Free, yet focused.

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