| May 30, 2016 |
Knock, knock, knock…
It keeps me up at night and pangs me awake from my dreams.
It’s a knock on the door of my consciousness – a noxious stimulus I first simply entertain with my subconsciousness. Initially, I’m unaware. I avoid facing it until, eventually, the knocks become more frequent. They grow louder and my consciousness can no longer ignore their presence.
So I open the door.
Standing beyond the frame of my conscious mind is something so powerful – so unfathomably beautiful.
It’s been waiting to be invited into my conscious awareness. It’s lost its patience, and can no longer wait – it must be welcomed into my mind, body, and soul. And so, I open the door of my stream of consciousness, but I don’t close the door behind it. I cannot and will not close the door.
More knocks come.
I surrender to the persistence of these inspiratory thoughts and desires. I’m curious, intrigued, and enchanted by their constant, unwavering delivery to my consciousness.
And then, I lose my grip.
It’s not one idea – not a single, neatly packaged parcel of inspiration. It’s a whirlwind of a thousand ideas, thoughts, and blood-rushing opportunities. They arrive without schedule – unpredictable and often times inconvenient.
I’m stuck in a whirlpool. It starts slowly and steady, circling widely and vastly from the outside. I’m barely grazing the surface of these thoughts. Gradually, then seemingly all at once, it accelerates. I’m then spiraling in an overpowering, centripetal force unmatched by manmade objects. I’m traveling from the outside to the center without control. It’s a focal want, and becomes a need.
It’s beyond human creation. It’s incomprehensibly beautiful and enlivening. It cannot be defined, nor does it need to be. It produces deep-rooted feelings from my nose to toes, skin to soul, person to person. I am awakened by others, challenged by others, inspired by others. It’s enhanced by people I connect with, grow with, dream with. It’s expanding with every person and object I see, feel, experience.
I can’t seem to shake it. I can’t close the door; I can’t turn back.
I can’t let go of my dreams.
I won’t let go of my dreams.
I won’t stop letting my dreams take their own course. I allow Mother Nature to wreak havoc on my brain. From my amygdala to my hippocampus, I can’t stop the way I feel – my memories are entwined with my emotions. I can feel all past inspirations, the beauty of the presence, and the unknowns of the future – all bursting with the energy of a thousand suns. Nay, a million suns! Nay, INFINITE suns!!
I am literally bursting.
I might implode.
And yet, when inspiration knocks, I will always answer.
The door to my mind will remain open.