I am capable.
| April 10, 2017 |
Well, now that things came together, and I’m back in Washington, I’ve started dealing with all these emotions of feeling the need to “catch up.”
Now that I understand I’m meant to be in the mountains, I have all these new dreams surfacing. Dreams of summits and multi-pitch climbs and backcountry ski routes–it’s all out there, waiting for me to explore! But, I feel so under-experienced and far away from some of these dreams. I haven’t adequately been in a rock climbing gym in some time (and there’s not one in Yakima), I’ve never done any lead climbing, I don’t have any technical skills to do mountaineering, and I don’t have skis that allow for skinning and backcountry routes…
I’m just a girl who loves the outdoors, and wants to dive into it in every possible way, and embrace all that I can learn. I can’t help it. I’m overly enthusiastic for everything outside, and overcoming any barriers to get there. I’m sitting right outside my comfort zone most of the time, and that’s where I want to be. In fact, I’ll go as far from my comfort zone as I can, thank you very much.
I have to sit quite often, close my eyes, and visualize myself feeling natural with the things I feel so uncomfortable with. I want to be confident in situations that are unpredictable, and somehow feel the mountain therapy I am pursuing is shifting my view of life and daily frustrations/struggles. I feel that, by venturing into the unknown of Mother Nature and all she encompasses, I am venturing deeper into my soul. By pushing my limits, I am connecting so profoundly with myself and the world around me.
And sometimes, this connection is so damn frustrating. I feel myself shift sometimes, when I see a photo of someone doing an activity I dream to do. I feel my brain putting limitations in my mind, telling myself that I will “never be able to reach that level.”
Bullshit, brain. Don’t feed me these obscene thoughts.
If there’s one thing I learned form Alan Watts, it’s that we are limitless. We are always expanding and growing and proceeding in our natural path.
If my natural path is the mountains, with ski touring, mountaineering, and rock climbing in my future, then I will let it proceed in this way. It will continue to unfold naturally and beautifully, and I will let go of my desires. By thinking about all the things I am NOT doing, I am not grateful for what I have accomplished. I have certainly pushed myself out of my comfort zone a good amount, and am doing so many new things (upcoming reports on snow camping, snowshoeing, and a little preview of backcountry skiing).
I don’t want to put pressure on myself. So many times, I’ve realized that I beat myself up over the little things in life (and they’re all little things). So many times, I overextend myself. I tell myself I need to do MORE MORE MORE. Well, maybe less is more. Maybe what I have right now is enough. I have the support, mountain friends, and access to the places I can play with my dreams. I can (and will) continue to grow and learn, exponentially.
Right now, I just need to be happy where I am. I’m in a place surrounded by natural beauty and mountains with three National Parks, an upcoming volcano season where I can start ski touring, and mountains that need summiting.
I love that I don’t know much about everything I dream of, because I know I can only expand more in the future.
I can’t wait to see where I am in one year. This will be fun.
The mountains are calling…