May 26, 2020
I sit at my desk with all the time in the world. My cup of coffee is cold, but not yet bitter. I draw in a sip, taking a long drag of the sweet, cocoa, liquid smoke. My mind wanders, but I don’t hinder its needs.
The morning was slow, easy. I needed this. A chance to breathe after a week that seemed like a whirlwind. I write in my journal: “this week, I really felt ALL the emotions and that led me to feeling totally exhausted…” as I reflect on the complexity of the ebb and flow of emotions ‘these days.’ It feels heavy sometimes, yet the rain outside this morning begins to cleanse me.
I sit, allowing all the heaviness of the week and month wash over me. I lay it all down and, as I write, my words entangle with each other. I produce words of fear and pain, but also words of anticipation and gratitude. Almost perfectly, these words fill the last pages in my journal. I close the leather binding, strap it closed, and open a fresh journal. Crack the binding. Feel the smoothness of the pages.
On the fresh pages, I unfold deeper. I express my disappointment in all the things I’ve missed. I should be in South Carolina for my cousin’s wedding. I should be planning mountain adventures. I should be seeing my family.
I should, I should, I should.
Yet, I can’t. Somehow, in unpacking these feelings and words, I find acceptance in this reality. I find my ground again. I find my gratitude. I know what I need, I know what I deserve, and I know what I have: a support system, a loving heart, a creative mind, and a deep sense of appreciation for the little things in life.
I close my journal, finishing on one last exclamation of self-affirmation: “I know I am f#king awesome!” Nothin’ like a little humility, huh?
My coffee is cold and a little bitter now, so I trade it for a cup of tea. Mmm, a warm mug to hug. Sweet honey drizzled and swirled. Ziggy Alberts plays, melting me into my heart, into the now.
So shake the cold from your heart
If at all, and let it fall
‘Cause it takes a lot to make a heart a home to love
And it takes a lot to love your own
I find my way to my computer and begin browsing mindlessly, yet with subconscious intent. Time passes effortlessly as I am drawn to looking at fonts and typography. If you can’t tell by previous posts, I adore the pairing of fonts. I start thinking “hmm, maybe I should update the fonts on my website…” I search for “handwriting serif” fonts, “watercolor script,” and suddenly I’m in a dark hole of researching, discovering, playing.
I stumble and I fall upon so many beautiful sources of inspiration and, before I know it, I am downloading fonts, playing in Photoshop, and creating an entire new look and feel to my blog.
Inspiration crashes over me in a wave and I am in the undercurrent. There is no escape. I play with colors, creating a palette that feels earthy and free. Icons, colors, templates, logos… they all swirl and create before me as I unfold deeper and deeper into the creative process.
I draw away from the process only to use the bathroom, get a snack, stretch.
My mind is in a beautiful trance and I ride the wave for two days straight. Stay up until 2:30AM. Hah, so much for a “restful” weekend, but I don’t care. If I don’t act now, I might lose this inspiration. I must hold it tight and run with it. I feel as if I’m running with a torch, fire ablaze in my heart, creativity running free.
I am in constant creative mode. I wake up in the morning, brewing with ideas. I have to actively suppress my creative impulses while working during the week. I email myself ideas. I write them in a notepad in my phone. I put them in my journal. Anywhere I can grab fast when the idea or vision comes.
Hours on Photoshop. Hours losing track of time. Words written, words deleted. Countless bowls of popcorns. Cups of tea. Cups of coffee (sometimes too late in the day, oopsie daisy). Constant Rob Riccardo & Ziggy Alberts music on repeat (literally, check out my Spotify playlist below).
Fast forward to now…
One week (& unknown hours) later, I’ve done it. I created what I didn’t know I needed to create. I produced something that is effortlessly me and feels like something I’ve been needing for a long time.
With no further ado, I introduce to you to my *new and improved* site! I hope you’ll take the time to wander around my pages, offer suggestions (I take critical feedback quite well, truly!), and find inspiration hidden in these pages.
My new logo represents the spiritual connection I feel deepening with my self-awareness and the physical world around me. The radiation of truth, clarity, and love. The willingness to see and be seen. Through my art and adventures, I have uncovered so much beauty, love, and connection. Yet, this is just the beginning of the journey.
Here’s to surrendering to creativity, exploring the depths of our hearts, and connecting with each other so we can rise stronger.
Thank you for being here with me.