Self-Care is Hard, But Don’t Be Hard On Yourself
In my last post, I talk about all these magical things I do to balance and nurture myself. Prayer, yoga, meditation, EFT, tarot cards. It’s all great. Love it. But it’s not the full story.
I just wanted to take a moment to say:
It’s not possible to be in balance all the time.
In fact, I find myself feeling unbalanced about how to feel balanced (figure that one out?!). It’s the part of me that wants to do all the things all the time. It’s the part of me that’s a little indecisive. It’s the part of me that’s expected to tend to other people’s needs.
Most of all, it’s the part of me that requires the most tenderness and care.
Sometimes, I know I need to feel more grounded. But the paradox of choice hits me and I sit there thinking… should I meditate with my tigers eye crystal? What if I write in my journal for 10 minutes? Oh! But I also really wanted to work on that painting and I love when I create so I can get in the flow. But it’s also so nice outside and… maybe I should drive to go for a hike! Nature is nurturing! Ugh, but I really need to rest. Why do I always feel like I have to do something?! Am I trying to fix something that doesn’t need to be fixed?
Stop. Pause.
Hans DeJong in the Mind Silva Method would say: CANCEL CANCEL to the negative thoughts that arise. somewhere in this stream of consciousness, I become aware. I see what’s happening. I want to put myself down for not knowing what I need. I want an answer NOW, rather than sitting with the discomfort of feeling disconnected and simply breathe. This *pause* allows me to reflect and ease into the moment with kindness. I stop telling myself negative things. I stop being so hard on myself.
Behind every body is a mind, heart, and spirit that needs nurturing. We can get it from other people, but not until we give it to ourselves. Not until we fill our own cups.
My cup is full when I do my best to practice self-care. But sometimes I have to sit with it empty. Sometimes I have to give MORE when I don’t have anything to give.
This feeling of suffering is a part of life. If I can sit with this feeling and allow it to pass through me, I can soften and care for myself even when it’s most difficult. Even when I want to tell myself I should/could be doing better. Because, really, I’m just doing the best I can at every moment of every day.
Every day, in every way, I am getting better, better, and better.
Be kind to the part of you that has a hard time with caring for yourself. It’s okay. We’ve all been there.
Sending you love and compassion today and every day.
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Cultivating Self-Compassion in Daily Rituals
Written May 17, 2021
I’ve never really been one for routines. I like feeling free with a flexible schedule. Yet, there are certain things my body, mind, and spirit need in order to feel centered and grounded. In the last year, I’ve learned to lean in and get intentional with caring for myself. In order to do this, I’ve been learning how to be compassionate towards myself and treat myself kindly. This has also meant taking time to do the things I need to feel good and building a ritual around it.
In January 2021, I joined the Yoga with Adriene community for the 30-day “Breath” series of yoga. During these days, I discovered the gift of a daily ritual where I could show up for myself. It fit with my intention to be gentle and compassionate with myself in 2021. Every day, I sat on my yoga mat and connected with my breath. I played with hand positioning for poses and breath ratios. I listened to my intuition as to whether I wanted to stay seated or stand up. Do I want to do an inversion, or is that not what I need today? Every moment, an opportunity to connect with my breath and my needs.
This heightened my awareness to the ways I can keep my body, mind, and spirit centered. It has taken ongoing reflection, intention, and compassion. I have a little exercise I do to see where I assess my needs in the moment, spending time in reflection on a weekly and daily basis. A little extra intention and love is something you are also worthy of, my friend! I share a little, downloadable worksheet I made at the end of this post. It’s a gift to you because you deserve it!
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NH48 No. 1: Mount Tecumseh
Hiked: Saturday, April 24, 2021
Ah, a fresh range of mountains to explore. When I first moved to Boston, I knew there would be adventures abound in new mountain ranges. Even though I grew up in New York, I didn’t do a ton of hiking growing up, so the East Coast outdoors are pretty new to me. Before my move back east, I started making an East Coast Bucket List of places to explore. I keep a running list of places I want to go (let’s be serious, I keep MANY lists in digital, handwritten, spreadsheet, journal, and mental forms lol)… just in case I run out of ideas and need a reference for something to do (never happens, but I use the lists anyway).
When I began exploring options on the East Coast, I stumbled upon the 48 peaks above 4000 feet in New Hampshire, AKA the “NH 48.” These mountains are located in the White Mountain National Forest (WMNF) – an area of the United States I’ve left entirely untouched. Extending from New Hampshire to Western Maine, the White Mountains contain 1200 miles of hiking trails in over 800,000 acres of land! In WMNF, you can be a leaf peeper, camper, bird-watcher, fisher, peak bagger, hunter, or climber. It’s also home to some WILD weather, with Mount Washington holding the record for highest wind ever recorded on EARTH (a whippin’ 231 MILES PER HOUR) in April 1934.
In summary, my curiosity was piqued. I have spent a few winter nights reading the “White Mountain Guide” book from Appalachian Mountain Club, weather/snow reports, and sites, such as the aptly named 4000footers.com (love it). With Spring in the air and snow beginning to melt, it was time to see what all the fuss about the ‘Whites’ is about! With my adventure buddy, Amy, we decided to climb the shortest peak on the NH48 list – Mount Tecumseh. Our inclination was correct… shortest, but pretty steep. With over 2000 feet climbed in 2.5 miles, it was a nice climb without switchbacks. (Not quite Washington’s Mailbox Peak with 960 feet of elevation gain in half a mile… but still pretty spicy for the legs.)
Read on for my trip report of Mount Tecumseh on Saturday, April 24, 2021! Also, let’s just admire how quickly I’m getting this trip report published. Thank you, hehe.
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A Soulful Forest Cleanse in the Rain on Mount Everett
Written April 18, 2021
Hiked March 28, 2021
I thought rainy hikes were left in the Pacific Northwest, but – alas – my Gore-Tex gear came in handy in Western Massachusetts! My brother, Kenneth, and I joined forces on a super soggy hike of Mount Everett in Western Massachusetts. Our intention was simple – to connect, adventure, and appreciate nature together.
At the time of our hike, Kenneth was a few weeks away from his departure for the Appalachian Trail, with intent to walk 2,190 miles from Georgia to Maine. On this day, April 18th, he is on his way to the adventure he’s been visualizing and working towards for years (with a pack that weighs less than 20 pounds, might I add!!!).
This is a report to remind me how important it is to embrace ALL weather. If we are joined by the right people and the right mindset, no weather can dampen our spirits. No storm is too mighty to break us down when we consistently raise each other up. Despite the relentless rain, Kenneth and I made it to windy summit of Mount Everett, where we met face-slapping, horizontal rain… but also a sensation of freedom and connection to Mother Nature. It was special to share this hike together, as our chosen path intersected with the Appalachian Trail! We walked northbound on the A.T., though turned around a little before the end of the trail… hah! What a joy to share this adventure with my brother before he heads on his own.
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Feeling Free in the Love that Connects Us All
Written March 29, 2021
There was a time in life where I felt entangled and imprisoned by connections. I felt there were people in my life I held onto and I judged myself for this. I had difficulty letting people go because it felt so disrespectful to do so. I didn’t want to forget how I felt in these connections, nor could I deny what they meant to my life and personal growth. Through my travels and adventures, I have been blessed to intersect with people all over the world. These connections have explored many depths of my heart, giving me profound perspective on life and a new way of seeing myself. If the people we meet are mirrors of ourself, what a beautiful way to learn about the self through connections with others!
Over time, I’ve learned that letting go does not mean forgetting. Letting go does not deny the meaning of these connections, nor does it erase all I’ve learned from people across time and space. Through this act of letting go, I have become more free. These people never truly leave me, but instead become a part of me. I integrate these connections into my heart and spirit as a way to grow in love.
The Red String of Fate theory in Japanese culture suggests we are destined to meet people in our life – romantically or not. Once we meet these people, we become connected by a red string. This string may tangle and stretch, but it is never broken. We are forever tied together. Our red thread of connection originates at our heart and flows through the ulnar artery to our pinky finger, then extends beyond our pinky as a red string, ready to entangle with those we are fated to meet. Once our strings intersect, they are forever together.
Fate has brought me boundless connections and there is immense freedom in recognizing the love that connects us all.
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