I am connected to my heart and intuition, allowing them to guide me on my life’s journey. I recognize the power of the Law of Attraction and embrace many spiritual practices in my daily life. I believe in the mind-body connection and that we should rule our minds, or our minds will rule us.
| April 6, 2017 |
I spent a good chunk of time in January laying in a dark room with ski goggles covered with cardboard on my face, excessive tearing from my eyes, and pondering the complex thoughts expressed by Alan Watts. I listened to almost 15 hours of Alan Watts’ Out of Your Mind while recovering from PRK laser eye surgery and *woah* was it awakening. The lectures were recorded in the late 1960’s in Alan Watt’s home, and the voice of the ‘self-proclaimed spiritual entertainer’ was my sole source of entertainment as I literally sat in darkness for three days straight. After that time, I slowly re-integrated back into the world, without the need to stick contacts into my eyes in the morning, and no more glasses in the evening. FREEDOM!!!!
After my surgery on January 20, I went through one full tissue box in one night as my eyes were uncontrollably tearing. They were literally running down my face, and every time I blinked I felt like there were teeny tiny grains of sandpaper in my eyes. When my eyes were closed, it felt like I had a bandaid over my eyes, yet when I opened them, even the smallest light was like daggers through my pupils. Even the tiny green light on my Mac’s charger was like a laser beam. I could barely stand it.
So what’d I do to stay sane? Get out of my mind with Alan Watts.
| March 22, 2017 |
No, I’m not going to talk about the “Incredible Journey” in the ’93 movie, although that does make me feel warm and fuzzy inside to think about. I’m talking about my homeward bound journey for the holidays this year, and all the other times I’ve needed home. There’s nothing better than reuniting with my loved ones after traveling, allowing for myself to reset with some quality time with family and friends.
Not to boast or anything, but I an entirely convinced I have the best family in all the lands. In 2016, my family supported me through every transition I made. My Mom, Dad, and two brothers were waiting for me with open arms when I decided to move from South Florida to Washington in May, and again in December at the termination of my first travel assignment in Washington State.
I have to admit; I feel I’ve put my family through some emotional turmoil. I was only supposed to be in Washington for three months initially (July-October 2016), but when I realized how satisfied I was, I decided to extend one more month… and then another two on top of that. Essentially, I was in Olympia for six months on the same travel assignment. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with doing this if you have the flexibility and desire. Yet, I couldn’t help but feel guilty for empty promises of my return home that only led to an extended time in Washington. Add that to my decision to visit a friend in Florida in late October, and I really felt like I was failing as a family-devoted individual.
When it was time to drop off my rental Jeep Renengade at Enterprise, hitch a ride to Seattle-Tacoma Airport from a dear friend, and fly across country on Christmas Eve Eve, I was more than ready to be in New York. Turns out, I needed this time more than I thought. I was enthralled by the fact I’d soon be reunited with the four people (+ Nana/Nonno, aunts, uncles, and cousins) who I know I could never live without. There they were, waiting for me to come HOME…
| February 17, 2017 |
It is life, I think, to watch the water.
A man can learn so many things.
– Nicholas Sparks –
The ocean has always been therapeutic for me, and I wasn’t really sure why. I just loosely associated feelings of relaxation with the beach, as my family always vacationed to the Caribbean and my heart always seemed to pull me toward salty breezes. Living near the ocean in South Florida was incredible for many reasons, even though I sometimes felt disconnected from the power of the ocean. It sometimes disappointed me when it became more of a tourist destination. Fort Lauderdale beach flooded with college students on Spring Break, who ignorantly left their red SOLO cups on the sandy shore, unaware of their environmental impact. Yet, many nights, the ocean called me back. I found solace, peace, in the waves.
I will explore these emotions I associate with the ocean, while also sharing images from a day on the Oregon Coast in Seaside and Ecola State Park and times when I needed the ocean’s presence.
| January 28, 2017 |
Sometimes, I don’t like that I write publicly.
Sometimes, I don’t like social media.
It leaves me open to so much judgement, and I feel this vulnerability burning through me sometimes. It makes me feel alone and scared and self-conscious.
I think about how I don’t have enough photos of me doing the things I love because, well, people just won’t “buy it” that I’m into mountaining or SCUBA diving or yoga because I don’t “prove it.” The social media facade is beautiful in its artful expression, yet sometimes damaging to self-esteem and awareness.
I think about how I may be putting myself out there too much, and it may make you feel stand-off-ish. I’m not trying to be better than you. In fact, I’m not really trying at all.
Should I be trying more?
Also, I think you’re pretty awesome. Maybe even more awesome than me. We may like different things, or have different current goals, but that doesn’t make one of us better. Just because I’m attempting to “live my dream” doesn’t mean you can’t be happy in your desk job, married life, or other stage of life you may think is too “ordinary.” That’s not what I’m trying to say here. I’m just trying to connect with you on some level on the things that make us feel alive. I know they’re different, so please don’t judge me for what makes my skin tingle and heart race. Please?
Sometimes, I feel like I’m over-enthusiastic. Too passionate. Filled with too much love. I don’t mean this sarcastically. I mean it seriously. Like, I can’t control my decision-making process because I’m always intrigued by everything. It makes me judge myself. Maybe I jump at the idea of too many opportunities, over-indulge, and over-expose myself. Sometimes, I can’t help myself, and I just bubble over, and let go of all control. And then I feel too exposed, and naked, and a little afraid of what others are thinking when they look at me. Sometimes, I just want to be quiet and observe.
I’m trying to just go with the flow of life, and be open to it all, but trying to explain this in words sometimes makes me feel a wee bit crazy. When people ask me where I’m going to be or where I want to be, I just want to say: I don’t know. But then I feel like a non-committal individual. The thing is, I want to commit. And I am committed: to my heart and what may arise and fall from opportunity. Is this the way of zen? It doesn’t feel very zenful. I’m working on that.
Oh, the beautiful pain of vulnerability.
Namaste, Fellow Dreamers.
Get post updates and inspiration hand-delivered to your inbox!