| February 14, 2019 |
I am blessed. Really and truly.
I have been regarded highly for my optimism and effective communication by those close to me. It’s been reassuring to have these qualities both felt within me and interpreted outwardly. I hold myself responsible for maintaining optimism and effective communication, but also give myself permission to mess up every so often. Mistakes = self-reflection = growth.
What happens when communication breaks down? What happens when people misunderstand? Is it my fault for not speaking my truth clearly? Is it their fault for holding biases and making assumptions?
What happens when my optimism runs dry? Do I allow myself to be fearful and uncertain? Do I stop the tears from coming, heartache from consuming? At times, I believe it is necessary to be void of “good vibes” and optimism. To live in delirious optimism can be unhealthy. It means looking at a negative situation and making it positive, which feels like denial, repression, and avoidance of truth.
If I am to be authentic, there are going to be moments where communication and optimism are not my strongest points. There are going to be moments of misunderstanding and conflict. There are going to be times where I feel lonely, afraid, hurt, angry, lost, vulnerable, wordless, and insecure. But this makes me human. And it makes you human, too.
So, why am I blessed? Because through some of my missteps, I have learned. I have leaned into the discomfort of taking responsibility for my life situations. It’s always easier to blame others, but how can we grow without carrying our own loads? Together, we are responsible to each other for helping carry the burdens of life, but we must carry our own load and “burden of daily toil.” I must deal with my own “feeling, attitudes, and behaviors,”1 and carrying them makes me a stronger climber through this epic mountain of life.
The product is a more colorful life, and one filled with magic I created.
I am deeply, soulfully grateful for 2018. Read on to see the third and final installment of 2018 reflections. We are going to stick to “Cherished Moments” only on this one, because there were too many photos and moments to need adjunct! Suffice it to say, my heart was healing and revitalizing itself in many artful and colorful ways!More
| February 8, 2019 |
I feel there is immense power in reflection. I have been told I can be insightful, and I certainly benefit from looking at the inner workings of my heart & mind. I’ve needed to do this 2018 reflection process, and chunking my memories into three different sections per month (Treasured Moments, Professional Growth, Heartfelt Memoirs) is giving my brain a workout. This is my therapy, and I hope it’s somewhat enjoyable for you to be a part of the process.
It’s said that chunking helps our brain better to remember information, and it’s certainly making it easier and more feasible to process my year. I can see more clearly how much light was shining through my cracks in 2018.
The second half of 2018 was full of transitions. Life is constant transitions, of course, but June and beyond really forced me to take action in relationships, jobs, and living situations. Simply letting life happen was not an option. I had to weather relentless storms. I put my figurative poncho on time and time again, letting the negativity hit me but not penetrate into my mind. I realized how much I had been enduring. So, I picked up what was left of my self-worth, confidence, and courage, and made
a change changes.
| February 3, 2019 |
Outside, snow is falling and covering the world in a subtle blanket of white. I type on the screen of a new laptop in a home of solitude. I am alone with my thoughts, present with myself. I am given the gift of time to process 2018, as a way to uncover the lessons I have learned in challenging and rewarding times.
Looking back on 2018 boils a mix of emotions, as it was undoubtedly one of the most challenging years in my personal life. Yet, these challenges have ignited personal growth, courage, and clarity. Many of my personal relationships changed in 2018: I lost some toxic connections, and thus have gained more fruitful & loving relationships. I have also strengthened connections with those who share similar values and represent who I want to be as a person. It’s been hard to act the need for this shift (as I don’t easily let go of people), but in the long run it has benefitted my heart and soul, and shifted my life for the positive.
From a professional standpoint, 2018 was a year of opportunity. Since I stopped working as a travel Physical Therapist, I have been on a beautiful journey in Washington State. My path has landed me at Seattle Children’s Hospital’s North Clinic, working full-time with children from birth to 21 years old. I have taken more continuing education courses 2018 than I have in the last four years working as a Doctor of Physical Therapy! I continue broadening my scope of impact to Tanzania, Africa, and have increased my involvement with Outdoors for All as an adaptive rock climbing & skiing volunteer. My career is fulfilling, challenging, and rewarding. I am forever grateful for my work family, and having a job that I feel passionate & enthusiastic about.
The outlook for 2019 is bright, and full of courage & growth. But before I can even wrap my head around what’s in store for 2019, I’d like to take time to look back on 2018’s memories and lessons.More
| December 25, 2018 |
‘Tis the season for holding loved ones closer and reflecting on the year past. I can’t believe, once again, how much has changed in a year. With the nearing end of 2018, I am experiencing a rush of emotions. I am feeling ready for a fresh slate–a new year–to fill with meaningful people and experiences.
The last year hasn’t been the easiest for me, but it has certainly encouraged the most growth. As a chronically optimistic individual, I can find the light in darkness, the good in people, and can turn life’s challenges into my grandest lessons.
Self-growth is important to me, and a lot of my self-discovery comes through by writing, sharing, connecting, and expressing myself vulnerably. It’s cathartic to find a place for the thoughts whirling in my head on a piece of paper (or, on a pixelated screen with an relentlessly blinking cursor).
This holiday season, I have so much to be grateful for, and I’m sure you do, too! Sometimes we have to dig deep to find the magic of the season, and I urge you to do this today.More
| December 7, 2018 |
I changed the word on my Instagram bio today from “manifesting” to “building.” Words are important to me, not because of the message they send, but because of the meaning they portray and how they make me feel. So, why the change?
I would say I’m a spiritual person. I believe in the power of the Universe and I set intentions so that the divine powers can support me in achieving them. Yet, sometimes “manifesting” is not enough. I feel a lot of New Age self-help books, lectures, and thoughts can be misinterpreted. I think we can all too easily become passive about our dreams and desires. When get a little lazy with making things happen.
I believe not ONLY in manifesting and visualizing, but also putting in the work and actions to make dreams become a reality. When I think about living a creative and adventurous life, I realize that it takes a lot of decisions and intention to BUILD this life. Sometimes, I slip. I become tired and lazy, or come up with hundreds of other excuses. I have seen my creativity slip away in the midst of emotional turmoil. I saw my self-esteem take a nose-dive, and with that, my ability to express myself was at an all-time low. I could never blame others, because in the end, it’s MY responsibility to take a hold of the challenges in my life and decide what direction I will go as a response. I can see how life makes us question who we truly are. I can see how easy it is to slip up, not only as transitions come and go, but DAILY.
I am CHOOSING to be more expressive (personally and, as a result, on media platforms) as a way to re-build my creative life. I have to make this choice as frequently as I can, even when I don’t feel drawn to expression. I am ACTIVELY seeking creative inspiration from within & without. I am dedicating the TIME to opening my journal at night, dropping a line in my phone when I feel a poem or feeling cascade over me, putting water on paint brushes, playing with fonts, and simply meeting a pen to paper as frequently as I can. I am devoting my heart to authentic expression.
Sometimes, I really feel drawn to sharing my feelings, thoughts, or creations because maybe there are other people out there who feel similarly, are questioning similar complexities, and need to be reminded that we are NEVER alone. Rather than seek validation, I seek inspiration. I seek connection within myself, to feel creative and adventurous by my own authority. I am pulling my heart out, looking at it, studying it, and then putting it into words, colors, and visuals. I am returning to my confident, creative endeavors as a way to be truly ME. I love sharing my creative processes and thoughts because vulnerability requires courage, and practicing courage builds strength.
And so, I will do this. I will not just imagine it, manifest it, or dream it. But I will DO it.
So, am I really manifesting creativity? Or, am I building it?
Build, I must.
Build, I will.
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