| December 5, 2016 |
I’ll be the first to admit I haven’t always been a confident dream chaser. I’ve certainly built up my self-confidence and belief system over the years. I sometimes reflect on my high school days where I was malleable and obedient – listening without hesitation to the rules set by others. No alcohol? Deal. No drugs? Deal. Get good grades? Sure, I can do that!
I measured a lot of early successes by how many clubs I was president of, how many honor societies I was inducted into, what commodities I possessed, and how many other people were proud of me. Of course, I was also proud of myself. I had something to show for my hard work and determination, and I certainly wouldn’t change a thing. Those little successes built my confidence, and I full-heartedly believe they were building blocks to who I am today.
Then… something shifted in me. I discovered who I am, and realized my dreams are now under my own influence. I am in control. This was new to me, and quite uncomfortable. But… I’ve leaned into this discomfort, and redefined success.
I now see the world as much bigger than an “A” on a final exam, or the accumulation of material possessions. I value relationships, experiences, and knowledge. I know I cannot always measure these successes quantitatively or objectively. I accept the fact that my subjective view of the world will constantly fluctuate as my emotions and personal lens will change moment to moment.
I measure my successes by the amount of love I feel for my surroundings and myself, and measure my joy by my ability to stay present. The moment I lose grip on the present moment, I stop and wonder why. What pulled me out of my blissful presence? What is calling for my attention? What inside of me is lacking?
I still have fears (and many of them), and my mind often wanders to questions like, How will I achieve all I desire? Why didn’t I ____? When will I ____? Will I ever be enough? These poisonous, self-defeating thoughts often make me feel like I am far from all I desire. I sometimes feel time is slipping away, but then I reconnect. I realize there is nothing but the now and all these questions are a product of my ego’s discomfort with the unknown that is ahead. I believe the never-ending, tumultuous path toward fearlessness is forever progressive. I believe in the need to grow more comfortable with uncertainty and vulnerability, and work toward overriding the ego’s cravings to know all. It takes a great deal of courage to entirely be myself, accept these truths, and let go of these thoughts, but I am embracing the process.
I express myself as freely and truly as I can, without fear of rejection. Letting go of judgment is a powerful shift, and I don’t let others bring me down. I used to feel the need to “simmer down” my enthusiasm, or silence my options, but not any more. Though I maintain a level of sympathy and sensitivity to my surroundings, I welcome occasional selfishness. I will not do something simply because it’s what you want me to do. (But I’ll HIGHLY value your opinion, trust me! I’ll even ask you for it… when I know what I want anyways. You help validate me, you really do.)
I am manifesting my dreams, and creating my own life. It’s okay if you don’t approve, because you are also creating your own dreams, and I honor and respect you for that. You want different things than I do. We all want different things at different times. Maybe you’re thinking about having a kid in the next year (oh my gosh, can I hold them?), or getting married (I make a great party companion), or maybe you just want to travel the world (I’m with you!). No matter where you are in your life, it’s right for you. And, therefore, I’m happy for you! No judgement at all, trust me.
Once we let go of judgement, we are free. Once we are free, we feel love. Once we feel love, we experience bliss.
I don’t have an entire grasp on what exactly my dreams are. They certainly change every so often, and this leads to immense confusion, but I am working to change this confusion into wonder. I am maintaining a level of curiosity about my desires and life path. Though there are certain constants in my life (the love from my family and friends, my desire to excel as a Physical Therapists), there are many areas of life that aren’t predictable. When will I feel love? When will I feel like I am learning? Where will I live?
Fearlessness isn’t about being confident 100% of the time. Fearlessness isn’t knowing all the answers, and it most certainly isn’t comfortable or easy.
To me, fearlessness is EMBRACING discomfort. It’s being willing to say “I don’t know,” and trusting your heart to guide you. It’s knowing we deserve to be feel love, happy, joyful, and free. It’s trusting that these feelings will always be delivered if we are open to them.
Fearlessness is a process, and I am thankful for life giving me a learning curve with this one… : )
Cheers to becoming fearless, Fellow Dreamers!